The Case for Crying


Photo by Asdrubal luna on Unsplash

Pretty much exactly on my 13th birthday, I began crying all the time. That is a slight exaggeration...but just barely. 

I cried a lot over the next decade. Pretty much any time my dad used a stern tone with me (he wasn't abusive or anything, I just have several insecurity & hate disappointing people even slightly), the Cosby show, books, commercials...pretty much anything could set me off.

Somewhere around my mid-to-late 20s, I realized I wasn't crying as much. 


I still had the urge occasionally, but I just didn't have the time.

That sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Once I was out of college and working full-time, I didn't have the luxury of sitting around watching sad movies and crying for an hour. For some reason now when I start to cry, it's usually in the morning before work. And I loathe the idea of being the girl who stays out of work because of crying- how cliche would that be?

But the reality is- I should totally do that! Because when I was crying all the time, I had no anxiety.

It was so much easier to deal with an avalanche of feelings once a week than to have this ridiculous hum of anxiety sitting on my chest every day. 

To be fair, my late teens/early 20s had much more definitive emotional events. My husband's deployment and constant training, moving a lot, getting my degree, setting up a home and all those new "adult" decisions. We've been in our house for several years and have no real reason to move...my job isn't fantastic and doesn't have a fast track, but I honestly like it. I had a baby, and we are trying to do foster care/adoption, but the first one has become fairly manageable and the second is a slow trick right now.  Again, it's not one big thing but bunch of slow little ones.

I am not sure if I can get back to that emotional binging, but I think I am going to try.

I wrote a super-sad and stress post the other day that is currently sitting in my drafts. Like, I was concerned about myself after reading it. But within a few hours, I felt immensely better. There was something about purging all that ickiness, even privately, that made it all seem more manageable.

I've mentioned that I getting more and more anxious over the past few years.

But I have still be avoiding admitting some of it to myself. I have been scared to face it head on in case I made it worse. But I'm starting to think that instead, that's what will make it more manageable.

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I realize that I haven't really posted about anything other than my anxiety lately. I'm not apologizing, because this is my outlet. And this isn't my whole life. But in order to juggle everything else in my life,  I have to let it out somewhere and I've chosen to work it out here. I am a person functioning with anxiety, and while that is not all I am that is what I am prepared to write about at the moment. So need to worry, but no guarantee that it will change any time soon either.

3 comments

  1. So sometimes I write those posts that sort of concern myself about myself and every once in a while I will push publish on them. They pretty much always resolve fine by the end of the post but people get like worried. LOL I don't push publish much anymore.

    But writing it down does alleviate anxiety.

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  2. This is so good! Crying is a way of dealing with emotions and a way to let it out!

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  3. journaling / any creative outlet is great to reduce anxiety. i keep a moleskin journal by my bed for those days when things are cluttering my mind.

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