Current Thoughts: November 2018


 
 
I decided not to take any classes next semester. One consequence of not registering for this semester is the fact that I will have to re-apply to the program whenever I am ready. Part of me does get a sense of accomplishment and joy from continuing my education, and in a lot of ways the classroom is a very comfortable place for me. But it took a lot of effort to lay down all the things that were adding to my anxiety, and I don't know if it's a good idea for me to pick them right back up already. Every time I think I've decided, something came up that pushed me to the other side. And it's time I recognized that "Maybe I can't handle it" is a good enough reason to pause. 
 


It sometimes worries me that Babycakes might turn into a Super Pretty Girl™. I know all parents think their child is cute, but she truly has the potential to turn into a classic All American Beauty type. I know there is all this hype about Gen Z being less stereotypical than mine but in my head I have this weird concern that since I was not a Super Pretty Girl™ that we will have trouble bonding since our experiences will be so differently (because like it or not, attractiveness does typically have an effect on how you are treated). TBH, this is not a surprise though because my mom is a Super Pretty Girl™ and I had a feeling my child would be as different from me as I am for her so...I sort of expected it. Still don't know how to handle it. 


 
I don't know if it's age or specifically having a child (both physically carrying/birthing her and/or having a little person to care for) but Daylight Savings Time is friggin' killing me. I can tell I am waking up and only being half-asleep for the last hour or so before my alarm goes off, regardless of how early I go to bed or how quickly I fall asleep (and snore, which is how you can tell I am OUT according to Hubs). So I am tired all day...plus Babycakes is waking up at 5:30 ready for her day. Very perky, and way before Mama has downed her coffee. 
 

 
 

What's up with you lately?

2 comments

  1. This year, when it gets dark, I seriously have no comprehension of time. I don't know why it's so bad this year. Mercury retrograde? lol. I'm always asking Alexa what time it is and then I'm constantly surprised by her answers. What feels like 9pm is only 7:45pm. What feels like 0515 is actually 0645. It's just rude.

    I know that if I stopped taking class now, I'd never go back. I wouldn't. I'd let that GI Bill go to waste because NOT being in school means a more relaxed me, and I miss her.

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