Update on Anxiety Meds

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My provider stated that it would take 4-6 weeks for my medication to really even out and get in my system. It's been longer than that, so it feels like a good time to do a personal review.

I definitely feel like it's helped a lot. 

Instead of living at an anxiety level of 5 and peaking at 7-8, I am now living at a 1-2 and peaking at maybe a 4-5. Not only are the peaks lower, they are much further apart and last for less time. So overall definitely an improvement. I feel actually happy and energized.

It's the energized that is the strangest to me me. 

I've been focusing on my faith more, along with working through some of the steps of The Happiness Project like developing my Personal Commandments. So I don't think all the improvements in my mental health are solely due to the medication; but it's been so long since I could properly motivate myself that this feels super weird.

I definitely had some high points that I'm almost certain were caused by the medication specifically- for like 2 days I couldn't stop smiling, which is very weird since I normally have a pretty strong case of RBF. Also sometimes when sitting down and talking to hubs I would notice that I was bouncing or swaying side to side. These weren't drastic or something that prevented me from going about my day to day, but it was noticeable if you paid attention for longer than 30 seconds at a time.

These have both decreased but I still find myself wanting to move...not in a bad way necessarily, but I can just tell I have energy that is not being used. This can be good- my house is more organized and cleaner, I'm more interactive with my kid, tasks are being done in a timely manner, etc.

But it's weird to wonder if this is me or the medication. 

To be 100% clear, I am so thankful for the medication. 

And as far as side effects go, this one could even be seen as a really positive one. This is just a difference I have noticed, and I don't know if it's me getting back to my "normal" state or a side effect of the medicine or if I actually was depressed and didn't know it (because I really thought it was only anxiety, not depression).

I am almost hesitant to even talk about this, because I know multiple people who were on anxiety medication but kind of...resented it in a way? That's not really the right word, but they were never comfortable having to take medication every day. And that is not the place I'm in. I am 100% okay with taking this. I love it the way I love birth control- you may not need it, it may take a few tries to find the right one, but it's fucking amazing and everyone should have it as an option and some of us may need it for a short season and some a long one and that's fine either way.

I talked to one of those friends and mentioned this, and they agreed that it made it easier to focus.

This doesn't even feel like focus though. More...efficiency. I'm just doing stuff, with so much more clarity and energy than I have in years. I sat down this morning and made a list of ideas for stocking stuffers for both Babycakes and Hubby.  Normally this would be a soul-sucking energy drain that I spent hours on, and I was done within 30 minutes.

I think I mentioned that Hubby has said he can't tell a difference since I started, other than the smiling thing (which he only realized after I pointed it out).

But I think maybe this is the biggest thing. 

If my anxiety was all internal, the sense of relief is internal also. I don't feel manic- I'm not necessarily doing more than I was before, especially since I've dropped my class. But I am doing things faster and I feel lighter. I'm getting through things almost without realizing it, instead of dreading it.

It's really, really great.

2 comments

  1. YYYYAAAAYYY!!!!!!
    I would get almost manic sometimes because I would be bursting with energy. I was like a 10 yo with ADHD, I'd nonstop chatter or I'd jiggle my foot (which I think made Teh German a little crazy). I didn't mind it, I'd ride the wave because I knew, eventually, I'd level out, but it was a weird feeling.

    It was/is nice to feel like I'm able to accomplish things without them being such a drain and I'm glad for you that this is happening. My favorite thing is definitely your analogy to BC. Genius!

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