New Year Thoughts

I'm not doing resolutions or goals for 2019.

While it's barely in the rear view, 2018 feels like a turning point. I gave up on a plan I had for my life for nearly 15 years, one that I had prayed for and thought was meant to happen and one that I had prepared my whole family for, and one that I worry hurt some innocent people.

And I did that because in my head, it was part of the plan. It was a good thing, and I am supposed to do good things.

But this year, I'm saying no to plans. I'm saying no to goals.

Other than my Goodreads goal, because...it's my Goodreads goal and that's been a staple in my life for years and it doesn't feel pressure but more happy check-in (and I like the stats it gives me at the end of the year). 

This year, I'm just living. I'm taking things as they come, going with the flow, and not worrying about achieving any specific thing.

I have a general plan to go back to school in the fall...but it will not be with the same sense of...urgency, I guess is the best word, that I felt previously.

In the past I have done Word of the Years, and 2018 was supposed to be Pause. That didn't exactly work out. Instead, I would describe 2018 as...a dam bursting. A lot of anxiety and stress and depression and general feelings that had been held back for a long time came finally cracked the foundation and washed a bunch of things away.

So if I am choosing a word for 2019, it would be more like Replenish. The damage has been done. It's time to clean up the mess, identify the foundational cracks, and restore things back to normal. I can't and won't handle pressure to be better or different this year. I'm it. I'm me, and this version of me is just going to have to be good enough. I'm taking this year to enjoy myself and my life.

Here's to 2019.

3 comments

  1. I think in a way you did "pause". You had to stop everything to take care of you. Maybe the year didn't "pause" in the way you had expected, but I think it still, at least, kinda applies.

    I've been trying to come up with a word for 2019, but I can't really come up with anything yet. I think I had a word for 2018 that I can't even remember, lol. Probably should have been something like "adventure" or "purpose".

    ReplyDelete
  2. OOOOOO replenish is a good word! But yeah, I'm kinda "over" the whole New Years Resolutions thing. I mean, goals are great and it's awesome people have them. But just... I get tired of not reaching my goals haha. But I also want to relax and enjoy life! There's already so much in the world to stress us out, there's no reason to add more to the pile with New Years Resolutions.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am also replenishing this year. Super important and really vital to know when to do it. Good for you, I'm proud of you.

    ReplyDelete