Loving My Body





Not too long ago, I turned thirty.

This is one of those "big deal" birthdays for a lot of people. Mainly because...as you get older, birthdays in general get less important. At 16 you can drive; at 18 you can buy tobacco/get married/serve in the military; at 21 you can buy alcohol; at 25...you can rent a car, but really who cares?

So the ones that end in zeros become the only benchmark of your aging, in a lot of ways.

Personally...I'm so glad to be thirty. I feel like my age finally matches my personality. I have noticed that I am feeling very differently about a lot of things since turning thirty though.

Realistically, this is probably due to a happy convergence of several factors.

But, today I want to talk about how...I now really love my body.

That sounds weird, right? Probably either a) egotistical, or b) trite.

But guys...I really do.

And it's not because I lost a ton of weight or learned how to do makeup properly or bought a bunch of new clothes or even dyed my hair. Like, my physical body is such a treasure to me.

For what is really the first time every, I can get out of the shower and see myself in the mirror and smile.

My body is, well, mine.

It's got stretch marks and cellulite and a little tummy pouch. It has thick legs from a million squats with FiA. It has arms that my baby girl wants wrapped around her all the time.

My body is the outside representation of my life, and it finally feels like it belongs to me.

If pushed, I would credit this to two factors (besides just age).

The first is having a baby. I know this is a privilege that not everyone gets, so I don't mean it in a braggy way. And I know not everyone wants to physically carry and birth a biological child, so I also don't mean this in a it's every womans purpose kind of way. I mean, it is an experience that I was able to have and it taught me a lot about my body.

It's by far the most physically demanding thing I've ever done, and it has a massive effect on so many aspects of my life, even a few years later. I used to hear women who gave birth decades ago talk about it like it was yesterday and think they should have gotten over it by now. But here's the thing- when you can pinpoint exactly when and why and how your body changed, it sticks.

After giving birth, I felt disconnected from my body. My body hadn't been solely mine for a while...and for the first year or so there is the ridiculous debate about breastfeeding so your body still isn't yours. This lead to reason number two- I started working out.

I used to hate when people talked about working out...yuck. WHO CARES?!

But, after having pregnancy do stuff to my body, and dealing with near-crippling anxiety...I needed to move my body. I needed to be in charge of something, and that something needed to be myself.

Now after nearly two years of working out semi-consistently, my body has been sculpted by me. Things don't just happen to me, my body is the result of my actions. 

And that feels very cool.

2 comments

  1. Wow, this is awesome! I turned 30 this year and also kind of like it. I've always had an old soul, and 30s fit my personality more than 20s did when everyone is expected to go out and party and I never did. I still really struggle with my body though. I am really proud of it for birthing my 2 sons, but I struggle so much with my weight. I hope that someday I can have this same revelation about my body that you've had!

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  2. i find that as you age, you learn to appreciate things you once didn't and best of all, you become comfortable in your skin. weight or not, cellulite or not, the human body in any shape or form is an amazing thing.

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