Hello 2020

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Happy 2020! I hope it will be happy anyway. Isn't that always the hope for a new year?

And this is a new decade. I don't know what that feels so significant this year. I don't remember every even registering decades in the past...but this time I feel much more aware of the significance of that. Age? Parenthood? General state of the world? Who knows.

I'm not really interested in looking back...really only in looking forward. That said, I did take a look back at my first post of 2019 just to see how I generally start of the year here on the blog.

It made me both sad, because 2018 was hard for me, and happy because...I think 2019 was a good year for me as a person.

So if I am choosing a word for 2019, it would be more like Replenish. The damage has been done. It's time to clean up the mess, identify the foundational cracks, and restore things back to normal. I can't and won't handle pressure to be better or different this year. I'm it. I'm me, and this version of me is just going to have to be good enough. I'm taking this year to enjoy myself and my life.

That feels true. Last night during bedtime prayers, Babycakes put her arms around Hubs & I and said "I'm so glad I have y'all."

That is exactly what I wanted when I went into 2019. I wanted to get to a place of a replenished soul. And I think I got there. My relationships feel better. My head feels clearer. While there aren't really things I can point to as accomplishments in the traditional self...I have accomplished a lot of small, personal goals.

And you know what? They don't feel small. They feel...good. They make me happy. I'm focusing on the little things and you know what...they fucking matter. They matter to me. Does anyone else care that I painted my living room after five years of regretting a paint choice or replaced some home decor or learned to accept big parts of my personality or learned to be super honest and concise about what I need?

No. But I feel so much better. And while I'm have traditionally liked doing the Word of the Year...I can't find one this year. Because I just want to enjoy where I am. I want to just...keep going in the direction.

Actually, as usual writing it out helped me figure it out. My word for 2019 will be nurture.

I don't want to focus on specific things anymore...I want to focus on the kind of life I want, and the kind of person I want to be. And things that line up with those desires will be implemented in my life.


  1. I 100% care and appreciate the fact that you repainted over a color you didn't like and the other stuff too. I also acknowledge the self-care parts of those things because if you're thinking about something, even if it's minor, it's like having a cut that never heals.

    I never really come up with a word for the year, although last year's could have been "endure". Maybe this year should be "progress" (the verb, not the noun). After the last 2.5 years of maintaining as best I could, I should hit the ground running this year instead of stopping when I have momentum after graduation. IDK. That sounds great now, but I imagine in May I will have a slightly different perspective.

  2. The small accomplishments matter a lot to me too.