My Relationship with Music


Photo by Malte Wingen on Unsplash


I have a friend who loves music. Like, really really loves it. He plays 4 or 5 instruments, plays in the band at our church, listens to it and has strong opinions about it.

We have really interesting conversations about this because I often say that I don't like music.

That's not entirely fair, because I do like some music of course. It's human nature to have an instinct towards some kind of music. But I have shied away from really getting into it for most of my life.

And now that podcasts are a thing? I listen to those instead of music 95% of the time.

Talking to this friend has made me wonder why this is. And I think I have it.

Maybe this was just a thing in my high school, but there were people who were seriously into music. Like, it consumed them. According to the many YA novels I've read, this seems pretty standard.

But I didn't share the feeling.

I've always been a little in the middle.

I loved Backstreet Boys- and stand by that. But I wasn't popular enough to completely disregard the immense cheese factor that comes with boy bands.

I also listened to a lot of Good Charlotte, which was slightly cooler according to other misfits. But then even they became "posers" (the absolute worst thing one could be in high school), and quite frankly it became too damn much to keep up with. I wasn't a pop princess but I wasn't a rock goddess...I was just hanging out in the middle was always.

I think I started listening to country party because I liked it- and also partly because I didn't have to prove myself. In general country music fans  don't need to see your invitation, they're just glad you came to the party. That is changing a bit as the genre comes under more heat for straying too fair into pop often- but that is another issue.

I was an awkward kid, and music seemed like too much of a commitment honestly. It felt like a trap, a issue full of pitfalls and opportunities to embarrass myself. So much easier to just...not participate. I was a reader, anyway- I loved words. No one else card about words. Better to lean into what I couldn't hide what I wasn't willing to give up, and risk less.

I don't say this to blame anyone. It's just the way it was. And it didn't feel like I was giving anything up, so I'm not sad about it.

It's more that I continually surprise myself when I truly like music. 

It's still a random variety of music that grabs my attention, and I'm getting more okay with that. I feel like I am, later in life than most, at the forefront of a new adventure and personal piece of self-discovery. 

And that's kind of really exciting.

2 comments

  1. This.. Like all of it. We're the same person, except for like 3 minor differences, I swear it.

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  2. i knew ppl like that as well; like no matter what was going on, there was ALWAYS music playing in the background. i like listening to music but i can't listen and concentrate at the same time unless i'm doing something monotonous.

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