Covid 19 Check In #2

Hello, everyone. I'm alive. So is the fam. No one is sick. We are just...surviving at home. My hubby is working normally. I am working about half my normal hours, and using a "pandemic leave" to thankfully cover the other portion of my hours and keep a full paycheck. I have no clue how people who need to work 40 hours a week and take care of a kid are doing it- it's so hard just doing 20! 

But, we are doing okay. Financially we are fine, even better than normal since we are not paying full daycare fees or spending gas (seriously, I think I used half a tank in the last month) or other random expenses. 

We are getting a little restless...and definitely feel like some days our familial tension is just high. 

It's tough. It's tough on me and Babycakes, because we are doing nothing but being at home. I mean, we go on walks and little things like that but...I was not built to be a stay at home mom. There is a reason I do not work in childcare. And my social child needs more than me.

I am getting a bit weary. 

She is getting weary. I know why this is happening, I understand it...but it is hard. It is frustrating. 

My husband is still working, but he is feeling it in different ways. He is feeling the lack of the gym (this may sound superficial but he is about 8 months into a significant weight loss; not to mention exercise is paramount to mental health in our family). Also, he has no alone time because on his days "off," we are still here. And I really want him to be in charge of Babycakes on those days so I can  work without distraction. Of course, I don't have any alone time either. And he's asked what he can do to help...but help is limited right now. 

There just isn't a break, and I am feeling that today.

It's exhausting trying to teach a little person how to not be an asshole, quite frankly. Then add in trying to balance working on letters and numbers and staying physically active and gross motor skills and fine motor skills...fuck, man. Parts of me are glad she isn't in school yet, because then we would have specific stuff to do and I couldn't just have my "give up" days where we binge TV all day. But also, making this shit up and trying to balance and be literally everything to someone is so exhausting

Don't get me wrong- there are great moments as well. We bought her a bike for her birthday, and watching her learn that has been amazing. We have had some great bonding moments and I've learned a lot about her and there are some things I hope to carry forward into "normal" life, whenever that resumes. 

But, this is hard. I am in an incredibly privileged position, and it's still hard. 

And I know there are others who are much worse off than me. It doesn't take the frustration away, but it does help remind me to be thankful for what I do have. It does make me even more convicted in certain areas...but there just isn't much I can personally do at the moment, and that is hard too. The only thing I can do is...stay home, so I am doing it. 

Everyone is suffering, whether we can see it or not. Whether we feel it or not- this period will be affecting us for a long time. 

Walked away from this to check on Babycakes before hitting publish...she now has a fever. There goes my "NO TV TODAY" rule. Bless.

1 comment

  1. I feel my privilege so much right now and I'm struggling with it.